Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
