I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
