I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
