it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Welp...herpes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
