im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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