if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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