Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
