In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
