Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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