anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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