yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
