I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
