I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
