So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
