seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
