I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
