I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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