Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
