the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
