Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
