she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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