Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
they're like a gay fantastic four
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
