yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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