i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
