There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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