I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
