I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
