woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
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Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
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This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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