Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
