Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
