My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
