everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
