found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
