Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
