Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
