am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
