This girl is more easily done than said...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
