There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
