It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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