Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
