My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
God I need to hump something, right now.
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