The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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