I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
NoShamevember. You game?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
