i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
