I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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