Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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