I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
