I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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