My room smells like vodka and shame
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
