I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Randomize
