Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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