While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
