We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
