I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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