sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
