Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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