Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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