Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
