You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
