Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
