I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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