tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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