people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
