I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The beers last night were like the tears from god
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You ruined the universe
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
