Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
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My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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