pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
