U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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