Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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