The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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