if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
