I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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