So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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