well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
