She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
